Terrified

Ever had something that you were looking forward to SO much, yet deep down there was a slight inkling of uncertainty... dread... or maybe even fear?

That's me right now.

For months, I've been looking forward to returning to my island home of Saipan. In fact, I've been looking forward to this moment ever since I left two and a half years ago. But deep down, lurking in the depths of my soul is an unavoidable fear. I've done a pretty good job of ignoring it, getting all caught up in the busyness of life, but I know it's still there and I'll have to face it very soon.

A lot has changed since I left: the economy has gotten worse, many students have left and been replaced by new ones, and most of the people that were my Saipan family while I was there are no longer there. Saipan has been part of my heart since I first encountered her as a 10-year-old girl. I will never forget her or how she has helped shape me into the person I have become (you will only understand this if you've been similarly moved and shaped by this special place). But what if she has forgotten me? I fear facing the possible reality that Saipan is no longer part of my life, or perhaps never again will be a part of my life.

It me saddens and scares me.

But I am excited about the new memories that I will make in the short time I'm there. That's all I should focus on for now.......